“You win some, you lose some.”
On my recent post, I have mentioned my wanting to go back to nursing thereby leaving the airline industry. I haven’t said this in that post but when I do leave, I hope it’s for good.
My feelings about returning to my profession have been so intense lately that I have gotten in touch with my friends and acquiantances who have pursued their nursing careers inspite of the difficulties of the industry in my country. Half of them encouraged my desire, half of them asked if I am certain. Most of the latter half threw me questions that made me remember so many things – from my past and what lies ahead.
And then slowly but surely, it hit me. It became clear to me that I have in my bothered state – in my body that’s been suffering from restless nights and waking up from sleep that never really afforded me peace, in my mind that’s been boggled with everything and in my soul that just feels so weighed down, torn and wretched – made a decision. I have decided. I have made a choice. And that choice is to be grateful.
Again, I was reminded how far I’ve gone – how far I’ve actually travelled and brought myself to. I was reminded that in so many ways, I was and am continually blessed.
I feel guilty of wanting so many things out of life. I am guilty of getting dismayed and heartbroken of not getting what I want all because I grew up believing and proving that if you want something so bad and when you give it everything you’ve got, you will definitely achieve it. But no matter how ideal and hardworking you are, there will always be other elements in life that may cause you not to yield the exact shade of color you want to be in your painting. Whether we like it or not, failure is just there sitting somewhere – big and small. And if it gives you comfort, know that failure also happens to the best ones. It happened to the people we look up to as the successful ones and still continue to happen to them even if they are already branded as seemingly perfect and failure-proof.
So this is me saying that yes, I am willing to put my other dreams on hold because I have been blessed of so much already. Maybe too much that I have been so used to it and have regarded myself as entitled to them instead of being grateful. This is me making a choice to come to terms with my inner demons and find beauty in where I am now. I will look for the beauty and the luster I’ve seen in this job before. I will count my blessings. I will enjoy the moment. I will focus on the silver linings. This is not settling. This is choosing a frame of mind that is healthy for me and the people closest to me. This is me feeling certain that tomorrow and in the mornings to come, I will wake up rested, energized and at peace with myself. #
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Registered Nurse. Flight Attendant.
Writer. Reader. Dreamer. Believer.
Daughter. Sister. Auntie. Wife.